I remember the last time I posted on this thing. I was so confused, and absolutely terrified. But a few days later, I went back to school. It took so much effort for me to get out of bed that morning, to walk through the school doors. I burst out crying, but tried so hard to hold it in.
The thing is, I was fine. Being in school, around my friends, back in a routine, in a place I felt [reasonably] comfortable in, a place I recognised and was familiar with. Thats what got me through those days.
I think that because I had been out of school, with nothing on my mind - no work or lessons to stress about, no people around me - I was left to 'entertain' myself. I had been by myself, not really going out much, and .. I don't know. I broke down.
I think I knew it was coming though. I realise now, that it had been coming. It was always going to happen, because I'd held it all in for so long, and it built up until it was too much to take. And I think the fact that it was a new year and all, that made it a lot worse - that was what made me crack.
I am not back to normal. There never was a 'normal'. But I'm feeling better. And I realise who it is I love, who it is I want around me, even if they're not perfect. Nothing ever is.
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