Unconvincing.

OK. Right. So. Hmm.

A few things I'd like to say, but I reckon I'll forget half, if not all of those, by the time it comes to telling you about them.

There aren't many people who know that much about me. About me. The way I am. The way I think and the problems I have. OK, there's no one. And I think that's a good thing. No one really wants to know - not that I'm aware of, anyway - and I think that's quite a good thing. No one knows about my secrets, or my demons, and so they can stay just that: secrets and demons. There isn't really anyone who cares about me enough to realise that I do have secrets, and I most certainly have demons. I think I'd be a waste of time anyhow. If I was the outside person, I wouldn't want to know about my issues.


So I'm glad I've established that. No one cares enough to want to know. Therefore it is safer and so much easier for me to go about my life without onlookers and nosy outsiders.

The last time I posted, I think I was rambling on about how after the first day back at school I felt more comfortable and my worries we fading away.

Well, the "novelty" of that has most certainly worn off. I say novelty because I have no idea how else to describe it. Novelty just puts it into that context. And it wore off about the next day. I think the reason I said I thought I was going to be okay was to try and convince myself. But I can't do that. I will always know deep down that its not entirely true.

Of course I feel better, but I'm so fucking confused. I think that feeling I had will never leave me. Its too strong, too attached to me. Like its becoming a part of me, or my personality. Sure, there are days I come close to forgetting all about it, but for it actually to disappear is different. It will take something or someone huge, and pretty special, to make it go away and to make me feel whole. Who's to say I'll ever truly get that?